I Can’t Remember If I’m the Good Sister or the Evil One: A One-Act Play about Surviving Menopause

Posted By Tempest

Setting:  An evening telephone conversation between Tempest and her sister, Ruby.
Tempest:  Remember all the instructional and inspirational books we received when we reached puberty? Lots of references to flowering and all the satisfaction we would get from baking and sewing and housecleaning and crap like that?  Well, where are all the books for menopause? Huh? Where?!


Ruby:        I think we have to write that book ourselves.  Hey!  I already have a chapter.   Chapter I:  I Didn’t Even Know THAT Body Part Had Sweat Glands!  Right?


Te:    Ooh!  Here’s another one:  Chapter II: Now, Don’t Tell Me…I’ll Remember Your Name In a Minute or Two.    Ooooooh – even better:  Chapter III:  Scavenger Hunt: Find The 10 Facial Hairs That Sprouted in the Last 24 Hours Before Your Helpful Friends Do.

You can absolutely bet that if men had to go through this shit, there’d be a telethon and organized alcohol-based activities to get through it.


Ru:   You now what this needs?  We could collaborate with American Girl on the book idea.  A companion doll for the book can sweat at night.  Carry her into a new room, pull her string and she says, “Why did I come in here?”


Te:    Another phrase for doll – pull string and doll yells at the dog:  “STOP doing that [insert husband or significant other’s name instead of dog’s]!”  Husbands, in particular, LOVE that shit.

Wait, one more: “I am NOT cranky!” This will be said through the doll’s gritted teeth – the doll’s face will display a smile with gritted teeth, right?


 Ru:   I’d buy one


Te:    Wait, I’ve got one more:  Chapter IV. If You Touch The Remote While I’m Watching TCM, You’ll Have To Watch Sports Through The Extra Hole on the Side of Your Head.   See…this stuff just writes itself…


and  Scene


Jul 18th, 2013

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