From the Stone Age to the Endodontic Age: A One-Act Play

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Setting: Kitchen – dinnertime. Tempest has had extensive dental work and cannot open her mouth very much. She must eat things like oatmeal, scrambled eggs and the like. Thunder thinks he can finally – after all these years – get a few moments of quiet peace. He is mistaken.

But then again, he’s the foolish man who brought home a rather large roasted veggie and balsamic sandwich for dinner.

Thunder is standing at the kitchen counter, facing away from Tempest, getting beverages and napkins. Tempest takes a small nibble of her sandwich, barely making a dent.

Tempest: Hey! Look at me! I look exactly like a Brontosaurus!

Even after all these years, he visibly shudders. Still facing away, he stops what he’s doing and just stands there. After a few seconds:

Thunder: I’m trying to imagine what I’m going to see when I turn around. IF I turn around. This could be a life-changing decision.

Thunder takes his time, but then does turn around to find Tempest nibbling daintily at her large sandwich and chewing in the front of her mouth, trying to use only her very front teeth.

Thunder: *blink* *blink* “…thinking… And how exactly is it that you look just like a Brontosaurus?

Tempest: (without missing a beat) They’re vegetarians.

Thunder: *blink* O…kay…

Thunder takes his drink and leaves the room. Tempest continues to sit and nibble at her sandwich. Thunder returns to the kitchen.

Thunder: Ummm… Koalas are herbivores. Why wouldn’t you say you were exactly like a cute, cuddly Koala?

Tempest: Because I’ve never seen a Koala eat.

Thunder: (thinking) Yeah, okay. (thinking) But you’ve seen a Brontosaurus?

Tempest: Yeah. I had a picture of one on a transistor radio I had as a kid. I think we got it as a gas station giveaway. One of the oil companies had a Brontosaurus as its logo. So..I’ve seen a picture of a Brontosaurus… on my transistor radio. It think it was green. Looked at it all the time.

Thunder: Was it chewing?

Tempest: No.

Thunder: Then how do you know that you look just like a Brontosaurus chewing?

Tempest: Because I’ve seen Bogie The Dog chewing. He chews just like a Brontosaurus. Just like I’m chewing now.

Thunder is completely stupefied at this point.

Thunder: Okay, so even if you know just how Bogie The Dog chews, how do you know that it’s… Just. Like… you’re chewing now OR even if it’s… Just. Like… a Brontosaurus?

Tempest: (disbelieving) …well, he certainly doesn’t look like a Koala! You seem to be putting a lot of thought into the behavior of our friend, the Brontosaurus.

Thunder: I should just accept, without question, your little convoluted view of this whole thing?

Tempest: …thinking… Isn’t it usually easier for you that way?

Thunder: (staring…and then…laughing…) You know, you’re absolutely right. I’m not sure why I even asked.

Thunder turns and walks out of the kitchen.

Tempest: (yelling after Thunder) And suggesting that your wife isn’t cute or cuddly just because she’s a Brontosaurus and not a Koala isn’t cool, man! It ain’t right!


Mar 2nd, 2013

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