Blowing Our Cover: A One-Act Play about Setting the Tone

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Setting:  Late Evening – Saturday.   Tempest and Thunder eating dinner in a nearly deserted dining room on their first night of the cruise.

Tempest: (making an out-of-nowhere reference to something earlier) Why did that guy think we were on our honeymoon? Do we look newly married? Us?

Thunder: (knowing exactly what she’s talking about) Maybe he thinks I’m your new trophy husband. Your new boy-toy.

Te: Excuse Me?

Th: No? That’s not the cover story we’re going to use? Okay, how about this…maybe we should have told him, “No, we’re not newly married, but yes, it is the first chance we’ve had for a honeymoon. We had to wait until Mother** died.”

Te: (looking at her watch) “Yes, and she should be gone….Right. About. Now.”

Th: “Sir, will we be in International Waters soon?”

Te: Okay, this scenario’s not going to work for Alaska or Canada. We’ll have to save it for a Singapore cruise.

Th: Okay. How about we tell people, “No, we’re not newly married, but yes, it’s the first chance we’ve had for a honeymoon. I married her in the Ukraine but I had to raise the money selling Thighmasters to bring her to America.”

Te: Lithuania.

Th: What?

Te: Not the Ukraine…Lithuania.

Th: Does it make a difference?

Te: Yes, I can only do one Eastern European accent, and I prefer to think of it as Lithuanian. Sounds like this…(does her best Lithuanian accent)

Th: Dude, you sound like Sean Connery.

Te: Yeah…Sean Connery in The Hunt for Red October. He was Lithuanian in that movie.

Th: Uh…he was Sean Connery in that movie. Okay, this is not going to work either.

Te: You could just tell people, “No, we’re not newly married, but we own a bridge club where people drive us crazy 7 days a week and we desperately need this adventure.”

Th: Sounds crazy, but it might work.

Te: (in Sean Connery accent) Can I still be Lithuanian?

Th: Dude…no.

Te: Damn.


**Disclaimer: No Mothers were harmed in this scene**

Sep 2nd, 2010

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