Le Bronjames: A One-Act Play about Something That is Not a French Restaurant

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Setting:  Afternoon.  Thunder is eating lunch as Tempest enters the room shaking her head.

Tempest: Okay, so…LeBron James?

Thunder:    Yeah?

Te: He’s some kind of big deal?

Th: *blink*  *blink* (slowly) Some people think so…

Te: Man, this guy’s all over the radio, the TV, the Intertubes…he’s…some kind of athlete, right?  Basketball?

Th: …yeah…basketball…

Te: So…what?  Is he a college player being drafted?  High school player?

Th: *sigh* Seriously?  You don’t know who this guy is?

Te: Yeah, yeah!  He’s some kind of basketball player.  He’s making…some kind of decision that apparently everyone cares about.  Um…He’s…I guess, very good at what he does?  What’s he…like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?

Th: You can’t think of a more recent, famous basketball player than Kareem?  What, you couldn’t come up with Bill Walton or Wilt Chamberlain?

Te: Alright, settle down!  I’m sure I would have come up with…Jordan!…if you had given me a few minutes.  The last time I paid any attention to basketball was, I don’t know, a long time ago.  I can only remember guys who started when I was…maybe…in high school?

Th: You didn’t go to high school in the 1960s, but okay…

Te: Let me tell you what I DO know about this LeBron guy, and you can fill in the rest.  By the way, is it “Leh”  or “Lay?”  It feels like I want to say “Lay” but I don’t think he’s French, right?

Th: You’re killin’ me, you know that?

Te: Okay, here’s what I know:  There’s some kind of hubbub in Cleveland about him.  Apparently, he’s a good player, and there’s this basketball team there, right?  The Cleveland…Burning Cuyahogas…

Th: …Cavaliers!…

Te: …Cavaliers…and they either want him or don’t want him or need him or something.  But then he wants something else or somewhere else….am I close?

Th: Only in the sense that you’re close to knowing nothing at all, sure.

Te: (ignoring him) Okay, so what else is there?

Th: Okay.  James played for Cleveland for 5 or 6 years. Broke records, named Rookie of the Year, MVP, All-Star, basically – everything.  Teams have been waiting for him to become a free agent from the moment he signed with Cleveland.  He’s probably not going to resign with them.  Even though the Cavs have been to the playoffs and the finals, they haven’t won the NBA Championship, and that’s what he wants to do.  Frankly, I have a problem with these guys who are only in it for themselves and switch teams to try and get a title instead of remembering that it’s a team effort, but that’s how it is now.  Anyway, several teams are said to be in the running, like the New York… (waiting)

Te: …Knicks!  I KNOW that one.

Th: Also the Chicago…

Te: C’mon!  (and then realizing that she might not be completely sure) Bulls?

Th: …and the Miami…

Te: (stumped) umm… (muttering) Dolphins and Marlins are taken…. (bravely) Swordfish!

Th: *blink*  *blink* Tell me again, why are we having this conversation?

Te: (thinking) You know…trying to show an interest…keep the conversation going…aren’t married people supposed to find new topics so that things don’t get stale?

Th: Yeah, well I’m pretty sure that we have 800 channels on the TV so that we can manage our own interests and NOT have conversations exactly like this one.

Te: OH! (turning on her heel and leaving the room) Thanks for reminding me!Dr. G. is on – I gotta go watch an autopsy.

Th: My point, exactly. (yelling after her) Thanks for stopping by!



Jul 10th, 2010

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