Does This Look Infected To You?: A One-Act Play about Employment Options

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Setting:  Early evening.  Tempest and Thunder are driving to a restaurant in the next town to enjoy a leisurely dinner.  Thunder is driving, and Tempest is looking out the window.  As they drive down the local highway, they pass a business with a full parking lot.

 

Tempest: (reading the business sign out loud) Route 46… Adult… Romance Boutique.  Hmmm…they make it sound like such a warm and friendly place, you know?


Thunder:
What makes you think it isn’t a friendly place?  Maybe all those cars are just the locals catching up with each other.  You know, like an old-time General Store kind of thing?


Te:
Hmmm…so it would be okay with you if I got a part-time job there?  See what’s it all about?  HEY!  Maybe it would be interesting to see how many of OUR clients show up to shop there!


Th:
(pause) Yeah…you realize…that sword has two edges…right?


Te:
(thinking) Huh!  Yeahhhh…   Okay, maybe I wouldn’t want them to see me there, either.


Th:
You find our clients annoying now.  You hate cleaning up after them and hate it when they make odd requests.  And we own our business.  Now…translate that behavior to this job…AND you’re a mere employee…


Te:
Ugh…and yet!  Might be some interesting but disturbing conversations, no?


Th:
(pausing…thinking) “Sorry, sir, but I don’t think batteries are included.”


Te:
(pause) “I’m sorry that it chafes, sir, but we can’t accept returns on this item.”


Th:
(getting into it now) “No, sir, I don’t think she made a sequel to ‘Twilight Saga: New Boobs’.”


Te:
“I’ll check in the back, but I don’t think they make this with a curve to the left, sir.”


Th:
“I’m not a doctor, but, no, I don’t think it’s supposed to turn that color, sir.”


Te:
“I believe that’s the reason the manufacturer suggests extra lube with this product, sir.”


Th:
“I can’t really answer that question since I don’t know just how much friction you require, sir.”


Te:
“You can name her if you’d like, sir, but hey, why not wait until you get home, okay?”


Th:
“You’ll find a Wet Wipes dispenser just inside the door, sir.”


Te:
Ewwww…okay, done?


Th:
(thinking) “Are you sure these are the correct measurements for your dog, sir?”


Te:
DONE!

and…Scene

Sep 9th, 2016

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