Pre-Cruise Jitters: A One-Act Play about Vacation Planning

Posted By Tempest

Setting: Early evening. Home office.
Tempest and Thunder are sitting at their computers.

Tempest:    *spinning her chair toward Thunder*
You know… If you…died…before the cruise…

Thunder:    (not even looking at Tempest)   I am NOT going to die before the cruise!

Te:    Right, right, right…but let’s just say…you…passed away…before the cruise…

Th:    *sigh*

Te:    … you know that I’m still going on the cruise, right?

Th:    *sigh*   Wait!  What?  You would still go?

Te:    Well… it IS paid for and everything.  And with the sweet life insurance money that will kick in, I would be able to go on all the excursions and everything.  Maybe even upgrade to a cabin that has a hot tub on the balcony.  I mean, this could be a really great vacation!

Th:    There’s a hot tub cabin?  Why didn’t we take that one?

Te:    Because it costs at least twice as much as we paid.  We can’t afford that.   Unless, you know, one of us dies and the insurance money kicks in.

Th:    Why do I have be the one who dies?

Te:    *blink*  *blink*  Did you make a Mermaid Tiara for the trip?
Did you buy a few swanky dresses or get special tee shirts made?
No.
You didn’t want to do any of that.   Therefore, it just makes sense that I’m the one who gets to go.
In a hot tub cabin.

Th:    *sigh*

Te:    (trying to be nice again)   I could bring you with me.

Th:   Stuff me in the large suitcase?

Te:    Noooo.  I don’t have to stuff you in anything.

Th:   What, I’ll be with you in spirit?  Kind of like a ghost thing?

Te:    That’s creepy, dude.  No.  I’ll bring you…in a Ziplock.

Th:   The Ziplock idea isn’t creepy?

Te:    If it makes you feel better, I’ll pop you on the dresser in the cabin and place your Pirate/Monkey fez on top.  Very festive.

Th:  Here’s a thought:  neither of us dies before the cruise…

Te:    Yes!  I get it!   You die ON the cruise!  Life insurance and a check from the cruise line!  My retirement just got better.
(Thunder now staring with furrowed brow)
Oh, but I would be sad, so very sad…about you dying and…all

Th:  (starting again)
Neither of us dies before the cruise.  We go on the cruise together.  We enjoy our vacation.

Te:    (spinning back around to her computer)
Okay, but that means I have to be very careful in this next week.
Watch out for open manholes. Stay away from falling pianos. No feeding mogwai after midnight.

Th: Right.  Otherwise…

Te:   (confused)  Otherwise…what?

Th:   Otherwise, I’m going to be very sad while sitting the hot tub on the balcony of my upgraded cabin.

Te:  Hey!  Wha… *burn*

 

And Scene

Feb 21st, 2017

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