Blinded by the Dew: A One-Act Play about Really Understanding Your Spouse

Posted By Tempest

Setting: Early evening. Diner.
Tempest and Thunder are sitting, waiting to order dinner.

Tempest:    *looking at Twitter*
Kumail Nanjiani tweeted that “Mountain Dew should be a way more standard soda option.” Did you see that?

Thunder:    Why does Kumail Nanjiani care about douche?

Te:    *blink* About douche?

Th:    And what exactly is a mountain douche? Something to do with using cool, mountain spring water? Lying in a stream, face-up, with your head downstream, legs open?

Te:   *blink* Was that supposed to stay in your head and not be said out loud?

Th:   *shaking his head* Yes. Yes it was.

Te:   Okay…. First question: why are we talking about douches? Second question: why are we talking about mountain douches, whatever they are?

Th:   I. Don’t. Know. I have now said the word ‘douche’ more times in the last 5 minutes than I have in my entire life.

Te:   I bet that’s not true. “Blinded by the Light.” Right?

Th:   “Revved up like a douche, like a plumber in the night.”

Te:   *blink* *blink* WHAT!?

Th:   Might not be exactly right.

Te:    “Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.” Dude.

Th:   Right. Like that makes sense.

Te:   It’s not about douche.

Th:   Remind me why we’re talking about douche?

Te:   I wasn’t. I don’t even know WHAT we started talking about.

Th:   You said Kumail Nanjiani was talking about mountain douches.

Te:   MOUTAIN. DEW. He wants Mountain Dew to be an option when he orders soda in restaurants. That simple. Mountain Dew.

Th:   Oh. I missed the soda part. In my defense, you smushed the Mountain-Dew-should part all together.
Well, he’s right. We love Mountain Dew. I don’t think I’d like a mountain douche.

Te:   Please stop talking about douche, mountain or otherwise.

Th:   Okay. *pause* Now I want a Mountain Dew. *blink* *blink*
*makes squinty thinking face*

Te:   You’re thinking about Mountain Dew douches, aren’t you…

Th:   Sort of.

Te:   *sigh*
and Scene

Jan 12th, 2017

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