Beware of Dark and Stormy Outhouses: A One-Act Play about Everyday Similes

Posted By Tempest

Setting:   Early evening. Living room.   Tempest and Thunder are sitting and reading.   Thunder lifts his glass and take a big sip of his diet soda.

Tempest:    (putting down her reading)   Man!   I have to pee like a werewolf!

Thunder:   (sputtering his soda)   What?!    Pee like a… what?

Te:   Werewolf…you know “Pee like a werewolf.” It’s an expression.

Th:   No, it’s not.

Te:    I think it is.

Th:    So this is like your father’s “Drink like a rug” and “Lie like a fish.”
 
Te:    No… It’s more like “Walk like an Egyptian” or “Run like a Gazelle.”  Or “Golf like an Orc.”  You know… “Pee like a Werewolf.”

Th:    *blink* *blink*         Okay, no one pees like a werewolf.

Te:     (thinking)       Werewolves do.

Th:     Maybe, but no regular humans do.

Te:     How do humans pee?

Th:    (annoyed at this point)      The regular way!

Te:    How do you know humans don’t pee like werewolves?
Have you done the research?

Th:   HOW WOULD I RESEARCH THE URINATION HABITS OF WEREWOLVES??

Te:    (smirking)       Dude, You know there’s no such thing as a werewolf, right?

Th:    (fully exasperated)        Ugh! But that was my whole poin…! Ooof!

Te:    (leaving the room to pee like a werewolf)

Dude, calm down… You’re all red in the face. Chill. Don’t convulse like a Murloc, for crying out loud!

 and SCENE

Jan 2nd, 2017

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