Leavin’ On A Jet Plane, Don’t Know When I’ll Be Back Again…

Posted By Tempest

Let’s recap, shall we?

-Driven to Newark Airport by a women clearly older than I, but who told me that my generation screwed things up for her younger generation…

-Flight to Nashville delayed twice, gate changed once, hilarity ensues…

-Overall, my class goes well, but 1st day facility issues made me want to drive solid, sharp objects into people’s heads…

-Flight home cancelled midday on 2nd day of class, requiring me to scramble for over an hour to find a new flight (one day later) and scramble for another hour to find a new hotel room (after all were sold out), hilarity ensues…

-Wake up in hotel on Day 3 of a two-day trip to a lovely, free, hot breakfast in hotel’s greeting area, only to be accosted just as my waffle was nearly done by a big-eyed 5-year-old named Robert who told me how he dreamed about having waffles in the morning but was now worried that there wouldn’t be any left for him since the line was long. I ended up eating oatmeal with nuts…

-Flight home to Newark was no longer non-stop, but thankfully not the TWO stops they originally wanted me to take. Now, just one stop in Dulles where I will wait for several hours on my layover. I notice that I am not wearing the, apparently, required cowboy boots in the Nashville airport and hope that it won’t cause me to be bumped from the first flight for inappropriate dress…

-Nashville to Dulles flight is uneventful except for the flight attendant spilling water all over my leg…

-Layover in Dulles is uneventful except for glass of Prosecco that I spill all over my leg…

-While waiting right next the gate door for before boarding my flight from Dulles to Newark, the gate attendant standing next to me announces my name through his microphone over the loudspeaker. He tells me that I will need to pre-board before the other passengers. I am excited and feel special. I should know better. My rescheduled flight has me in the last row of the airplane (a small 1-seat, then 2-seat configuration). I need to pre-board because they are loading a bunch of off-duty flight attendants at the rear of the plane for some kind of ‘redirection’ (getting them to a new location to work). I must be in my seat in order for one of them to pull out a jumper seat on a track from behind my seat, set it up and then sit IN THE AISLE between the permanent seats.  Tiny plane, now 4-people across in a human sausage roll.  No one suggests, and I don’t even consider, that they might have moved me forward in the plane and squish only airline personnel together. I turn on the air vent above me and ice/snow starts to rain down on me through the vent. Flight attendant squished up to me looks up and says, “Yeah, that happens.” He and I travel to Newark in a terribly intimate embrace. Hilarity ensues…

-Arrive at Newark and wait for my checked bag to spew out at baggage claim. After 3 flights worth of luggage is delivered and no bag appears, the very nice Baggage Claim folks look up my bag, send a note to Dulles to please put the bag they forgot to load onto the next flight, and promise me it will be delivered most likely Saturday.

-Go outside to get a taxi since Thunder had to work at the last minute and was given a cab with a very nice driver. I have no data to support this, but I’m sure he broke land-speed records leaving the airport. Looking at me in the rear-view mirror, he told me that he loved my blue eyes and that the women in his home country don’t have blue eyes like mine. As he says this, he veers off the highway onto the side streets of what looks like the worst section of Irvington, NJ, still breaking speed records, and telling me that it will be the fastest way to get to Route 280. I am skeptical, especially after his last creepy statement, but oddly enough he’s right and we get to next highway much faster than I would have thought.

-Arriving in my driveway, I pay the driver, say good-night, and he rockets off into the night. I get to the front door only to remember that as I left for my trip I deposited my keys in the foyer key basket…in the house.  No worries because I remember the keypad code to the garage door.  As the garage door opens I find that my hard-working husband has piled the lawn mower, the wheelbarrow, the garbage can and lots of empty boxes in our tiny garage. I can’t decide whether I will go sit on the deck for the next 2 hours or pull everything out just to get a pathway. As I consider my options, my bladder reaches up and tugs on my sleeve to get my attention, making my decision easy.

-Once business is taken care of, I greet my doggie who is extremely happy that I’m finally home. He and I collapse on the double chaise lounge on the deck and spoon together to wait for Thunder.

I am livin’ the dream, baby…

Sep 16th, 2016

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