Hipster Addictions: A One-Act Play about First-World Problems

Posted By Tempest

IpodDAY 1 – MONDAY AFTERNOON, 4:30PM
Setting: Outside the workplace of Thunder and Tempest
Thunder is leaving work; Tempest is arriving
Tempest is clearly distressed.

Thunder: What’s wrong?

Tempest: (agitated) I can’t find my IPod! I had it earlier. I can’t find it anywhere.

Th: Where do you think you had it last?

Te: I got out of the car with the IPod in my hand. I know it was in my hand because I was juggling my purse, my keys, the grocery bag. I had to avoid dropping it while I unlocked the front door. Now I can’t find it anywhere.

Th: (walking away) Don’t worry. It will show up.

 Te: (yelling after him) This is a horrible!

 

DAY 2 – TUESDAY MORNING, 7:30AM
Setting: Thunder and Tempest Living Room
Tempest is preparing to leave on a 40-minute drive to the salon.

Tempest: (whining) Okay, this is really not okay. I HAVE to leave. I need a podcast or songs for the car!!

Thunder: (barely awake, but able to shout): FIRST WORLD PROBLEM HERE!

Te: Yes, I know! I need to make a donation to Heifer International and then shut up, but before I do, can I just say this…(whispering but whining)…*where’s my IPod*?

Th: How about you move some songs or some podcasts onto your IPhone. The rest of the world has only one device for their music, you know.

Te: *sigh* Yeah…but I like my little IPod. (turning to go upstairs to her computer) Okay, I’ll drag a podcast or two over to the IPhone…but I don’t’ like it.

 

In the car around 8:15am
Tempest: Grrrrr! (pressing buttons on her dashboard) Why are you saying my IPhone’s music is UNSUPPORTED? Why can’t you play my music? (Smacking dashboard)

 

Later in the evening – 7:00pm
Thunder and Tempest are cleaning the house. Dining room table mess is cleared up, kitchen cleaned, downstairs is straightened up.
The horror: Tempest has had to wash dishes and clean kitchen WITHOUT listening to a podcast.

Tempest: (very upset as she plops onto the couch) WHERE IS IT!!? I don’t want to spend $200 on a new IPod.

Thunder: I don’t want you to spend $200 on a new IPod especially when you could load your stuff on your perfectly good IPhone.

Te: *sighing and in a dumb little voice* YOU said we’d find it…

Th: Okay, let’s think back. You had it in your hand when you unlocked the door, right? What else did you have in your hands.

Te: My purse. My keys. The grocery bag.

Th: Did you check your purse?

Te: Twice.

Th: Is it in the key basket on the door?

Te: (getting up and checking the basket) Not there.

Th: What did you do with the grocery bag.

Te: Emptied it. Most of the items are still on the island. OH NO!! I cleaned off the island before I emptied the bag.  Threw a lot of stuff in the garbage!  Did I end up throwing it away with the garbage?

Th: Where’s that garbage from yesterday?

Te: GARBAGE WAS PICKED UP THIS MORNING!!   AHHHH!!!   I threw it out. I know it.

Th: Okay, okay. Let’s just give it another day or so. Maybe you brought upstairs without thinking. I still think it will turn up. I think you would have stopped yourself from actually throwing it in the garbage can.

Te: *sigh*

 

DAY 3 – WEDNESDAY MORNING, 6:30am
Setting: Living Room.
Thunder is snoozing on the couch. He is going to wait for the repairman while Tempest takes the dog to Doggie Day Care.
Suddenly…

Tempest: I FOUND IT!! OMG! I FOUND IT!

Thunder: (not opening his eyes and very weakly): yeahhhh…Our Long National Nightmare Is Over. Where was it?

Te: In the fruit drawer

Now, Thunder opens his eyes, sits up and rubs the frown lines on his forehead. No matter how many years he’s lived with Tempest, he’s just never gotten used to…this

Th: The fruit drawer? The drawer where we keep fruit? In the fridge?

Te: (now in a very good mood, getting ready to leave) Yes. The fruit drawer.

Th: …how?…

Te: (brightly, as though IPods routinely end up in refrigerators)
I put the clementines and apples in the fridge yesterday. I guess I just dumped the IPod in the drawer with them.

Tempest is humming lightly to herself while putting the dog in his harness.
Thunder shakes his head, lies down on sofa and closes his eyes.

Th: A grateful nation is restored to calm. We have avoided yet another killing spree by a woman in a mid-life crisis. Scores of lives have been saved.

Te: …and husbands…

Th: (opening eyes) Uhm…husbands? Why was husband in play here? I tried to help you find it!

Te (heading out the door):
Yes, but you were opposed to my buying a new one. I wasn’t worried, though; I planned to make the purchase with your insurance money.
(coming back through the front door) HOLD ON! Did you just call me old?

Th: (feigning sleep) *snore*

 

and SCENE

 

 

 

 

Apr 22nd, 2015

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