Day 8 Night: The Return of TesteGirl

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Thunderless Dreams, Part Deux

TesteGirl is back.  She was gone for a little while, but now she’s back. 

Some backstory: Late last summer, Thunder and I were driving to Pittsburgh with two friends to see the Mets play the Pirates.  Why we feel compelled to drive 7 hours to watch the Mets suck is a completely different story.  Anyway, on the drive up I was relating this series of dreams I’d been having.  It seems that at times when my eyelids close I become a superhero.  First, the clothing:  Red tights, gold cape.  Snazzy red books with gold trim (real gold – not that fake, crappy “leaf” stuff).  Better body, too – HEY, whose dream is this!

Anyway, my superhero doesn’t carry any weapons – the best ones never do.  Instead, my superhero fights evil, particularly evil men, with one special skill.  Whenever she encounters an evil man doing…you, know, evil…she stands tall – shoulders straight back – raised her arms, elbows to the side, fists raised up from the elbows at right angles.  Her focus sharpens, eyes narrow.  And then her powers engage. 

My superhero’s special power is that she can make men’s testicles wobble.

Not merely wobble, you understand.  Furiously, seriously, vibrate back and forth.  And not in a good way.  Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap…    They become very distracted, very uncentered.  And not in a good way.  I hold that stance and that focus until the evil man crumbles.  Then I can step in and remedy whatever the situation is.

One of our friends in the car, Ruby Flurt (not her stripper name – she uses a completely different name for THAT), immediately came up with a name for my superhero (cuz she’s so quick and clever):  TESTEGIRL!

So occasionally, TesteGirl appears in my dreams.  I’ve figured out that she most often appears when I feel I’ve been wronged in some way or I’ve seen some wronging occur during my day. 

On my drive up the coast on Day 8, I stopped for some frozen yogurt. While standing outside the shop, I witnessed a man yelling at a small child in an over-top manner.  I recognize that parents get overwhelmed, but this man was large and this child was tiny.  He was really over the line.  I foolishly tend to interfere in these scenarios, but luckily, I didn’t have to.  A woman – the child’s mother and his wife? – came out of a shop, looked at the situation, gave him a look, and the man just folded.  The whole situation seemed less than functional to me, but once she arrived the yelling stopped.  Still, it made me mad.  I didn’t realize that it was churning inside me all day until I went to bed.

In my dream, I was on the beach – bathing suit, suntan lotion, good book.  Suddenly, a man, looking suspiciously like Mr. Charming from the afternoon, began berating a small child, who looked suspiciously like I did as a little girl.  She apparently had not made her sand castle tall enough before the waves were about to engulf it.  He kept yelling at her over something that was simply inconsequential.  I got up and ducked behind a stand of palm trees, and when I emerged:  DA DA DA DAH!!!!  TESTEGIRL!

I swooped over, arms up, and Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap…    While evil dad was getting his bearings, I scooped up the little girl and deposited her in a sandy area where other kids were playing.  When I got back to dad, he was getting back to normal.  I simply said, “Knock it Off!”  He sheepishly agreed.

Yeah, I know, there are all kinds of psychological stuff going on here.  I choose to ignore all that and instead focus on the Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap, Wap… cuz that’s the fun part.

Feb 27th, 2009

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