Archive for May, 2009
Neutrality is a Tricky Thing: A One-Act Play about Self-Absorption, World War II and Hats
Setting: Early Evening. Tempest is watching television with two dogs draped across her lap. Thunder enters the room, showered, wearing new pants and shirt and getting ready to leave for a tournament.
Thunder: What do you think of this shirt?
Tempest: Shirt?
Th: Yeah, how does it look? Should I wear this one or the other one we bought?
Te: [...]
May IS National Masturbation Month! Yeah!
May is here! It’s Spring! Flowers! Birdies! Masturbation! (WHA?)
Gather ‘round, kiddies. I have a bedtime story for you.
Once upon a time, there was a land where the overlords suppressed many, many personal freedoms of the lowly people…Actually, there were a lot of lands where this happened…Actually, we live in one of them…but I digress.
Okay, you want a [...]
“Be Prepared To Hold Your Liquor Pretty Well…Don’t Write Dirty Words on Walls If You Can’t Spell!”
Tom Lehrer recently turned 81 years old. Now, he was no Spring Chicken when a friend introduced me to his satirical songs over 30 years ago. Most of his songs were already 10 years old when I heard them! We used to sit in the eaves of our terrible high school auditorium, playing the albums [...]
Read More..>>“…and Morgul as the Friendly Drelb.”
I realize that I’m showing my age here, but I’ve always missed the fast-paced hit-and-run sketch comedy of Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In from the late 1960s/early 1970s. The sketch shows since then (Saturday Night Live, MADtv, etc.) went their own way for a different kind of audience. Now maybe Laugh-in wouldn’t work in today’s world. [...]
Read More..>>The Ginkgo Biloba Must Be Working
Thunder asked me if my high school had a school song. The only song I remember was the drinking song we sang in the stands during football games. Yes, I was in Marching Band, and don’t look at me that way.
Now I don’t want to say exactly how many years it’s been since I was [...]
New Ways to Save on Gas, Electricity and Possibly Stamps: A One-Act Play about Utilities
Setting: 9:25am – Thursday. Thunder is asleep in the middle of the king-sized bed, wrapped in blankets from head to toe. Tempest rushes into the bedroom, just out of the shower, scrambling to get dressed.
Tempest: Thunder. Thunder! I fed the dogs. I’ve got to get out of here. I’m really running late for school.
Thunder: (half asleep) [...]
My Boyfriend’s Back and There’s Goin’ Be Trouble (Hey La, Hey La, My Boyfriend’s Back!)
In Plain Sight returned to USA Network this past week. My boyfriend, Christian de la Fuente, returned as the baseball-playing love interest. Well, he didn’t have a lot to do last night. That’s okay…they made me wait for months for the return of the show. I guess I can wait a little longer for them [...]
Read More..>>Ahhh…Romance…
Whether you like Celine Dion or not, I defy you to listen to the Celine Dion/Clive Griffin version of “When I Fall In Love” and not feel all squiggly inside. Maybe it’s just that it’s a rainy spring Sunday best suited for lounging in bed. Or maybe it’s just that someone named “Clive Griffin” is [...]
Read More..>>When You Color Outside the Lines…The Terrorists Win
Apparently, FEMA had a downloadable coloring book for children on its website. The coloring book was created and uploaded in 2003 to explain the correct responses to disasters in ways that children might understand.
What I don’t understand is… What fuckwad at FEMA thought “A Scary Thing Happened” was a good idea!? The book is filled with [...]